A Strange Man Taught Me About Kindness To My Husband

My husband travels a lot (understatement) and so often our options for communication are Skype, Face Time, email, and phone. The other morning I was in a hurry to get out the door and slightly pissed because I had awoken late.

He called.

I picked up.

I won’t bore you with the details of the conversation, but from about one minute in he was already pushing at the screen where my forehead was. The “pushing” on the crease in between my eyebrows is his cue to encourage me to unfurrow my brow and take it down a notch. I had been terse, dismissive, annoyed and rude all within the span of about 3 minutes. I told him we should just talk later, and he kindly asked: “Can we just start this call over?” I pulled it together (not really) and put a smile on (insincere) and chatted a bit longer then bid him goodbye.

I jumped in the car and flew to the gym. Upon walking through the sliding doors, I saw the front desk guy that I like. I don’t know his name, but he is a smaller guy, Greek perhaps, always in a good mood. He could be my son. I said “HEYYYYYYYYYYY!!!” He said “HEYYYY GIRLLLLL!!” (Obviously doesn’t know my name either.) I said “HOW YA DOIN THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY?” “BETTER NOW!” He replied. “THAT”S CAUSE I’M HERE!” (Cue flash dimples.) I didn’t tarry. I grabbed my towel and walked beyond the front desk into the gym.

I stopped cold. My breath caught.

I had just completely treated my husband with dismissal and disrespect, yet I just had an exchange that was intentionally kind and respectful, with a stranger. 

What the hell?

[Tweet “Conviction landed on me like a piano dropped out a fifth story window.”]

Conviction landed on me like a piano dropped out a fifth story window. I was still annoyed about getting up late. I was still annoyed about my schedule being thrown off, yet I just proved my clear ability to cast my cares aside and have a decent exchange with another human.

We’ve all done it, right? Sat across from our kids paying more attention to our phones than their giggles but would never consider ignoring a new client in the same manner. Or maybe you have found yourself impatient with an elderly parent yet immovably tolerant of the older gentleman crossing the street. Or, finally, perhaps you have found yourself bitchy with your spouse and yet downright effervescent with the little Greek gym guy.

Think about your exchanges today. To whom are you most kind? To whom are you most patient? Do you need to take a step back and listen to your tone and approach with those you claim to adore? I know I need to regularly “check myself.” I don’t want to take the relationship ties that bind for granted; I don’t want to abuse those who have said they will love me no matter what.

Epilogue. I called Brent immediately. I shared the story. I apologized for being an idiot.

Is there someone you love to whom you have been short or unkind? Do you owe them an “I’m sorry?” I encourage you to take steps today to craft a sincere apology. Tell them you are sorry you took advantage of the relationship by assuming it would be okay to treat them in a manner of disrespect. Treating those closest to you with the MOST kindness and the MOST sensitivity is healthy for the relationship, and that means it is healthy for you.

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